It seems like forever since I wrote in my blog, and perhaps, for some bloggers, the amount of time I have not been writing is really forever.  But I have almost lost my drive.  It’s a dim and dying flame inside my heart.  I even let my library books get so overdue that I may as well have bought them.  What have I been doing instead? Avoiding.  I’ve come to see that my fashion idea will probably not happen, and soon I’ll be returning to the workforce.  Perhaps in a year or two when I can’t stand going to work anymore, I’ll return to this idea, but for now, I am not motivated.  I know it’s sad.

I even got myself a website started of my artwork.  It’s not really what I had in mind for myself, but I guess that’s what I get for having a student create it for free.  It’s so simple, that I feel that I could have made it myself.  I thought that once I’d have one up, I would start drawing and painting.  But the opposite happened.  Now I feel like if I pick up my art materials I’m doing work.  I have no desire to create art.  It’s really silly because this is exactly the time when I should be doing art.  When I don’t have to go to work.  But that’s why I don’t want to do anything.  I”ll never have this time for relaxing again.  Soon it’ll be July, and I’ll be working in a camp and then my serious search for a full time position.